By the time children reach the age of six, their nervous systems are almost fully developed. The prefrontal cortex is now engaged in strengthening, pruning, and organizing its neural pathways. We can expect our child to steadily improve in self-control, planning, organization, and other executive functions throughout childhood and into their twenties. In fact, scientists now believe that the brain has the capacity to adapt and change throughout life, so it can always be retrained to some extent. However, by the age of six, the basic brain structures that give your child the capacity for confidence, self-soothing, and empathy are fully developed.

We know that children whose environments change for the better can still develop emotional self-regulation, but this requires tremendous love and patience from their caregivers.

Six-year-olds have a very clear working model of relationships, meaning they have drawn conclusions from their experiences about what to expect. Based on these working models, they have developed a set of strategies they use to manage their emotions. Children who doubt their ability to rely on adults to help them regulate themselves experience intense emotions that can easily explode. Children who are now confident in their ability to rely on adults may appear more self-disciplined, but they are more fragile than they appear. Their hearts race even as they pretend to be calm. The fortunate children who have received responsive parenting are often able to control their emotions, which means they can now often regulate their behavior. These children have a high emotional intelligence (EQ) rooted in their brain physiology. Their internal pathways are designed to release calming biochemicals and regulate fear and anger responses in the amygdala, enabling them to utilize their full mental power and thrive on a higher level. They are comfortable with their own nature and with the emotions of others, and are therefore able to connect deeply with other human beings. The task for children from ages six to nine is to develop their emotional intelligence so they can master the daily emotions that arise from the many challenges of growing up. Unfortunately, children who struggle with regulating their emotions and picking up on cues from others often struggle to master these daily developmental tasks. When anxiety or anger prevent children from overcoming these normal obstacles, their self-esteem suffers, and they often become stubborn and demanding in an effort to manage their fears. The Secret Library of Reading.

Children who are emotionally intelligent face the same challenges, but they usually overcome them with greater grace. Mastering each of these normal developmental obstacles enhances children's emotional intelligence and builds the "muscle" responsible for it.

These years often come easily to parents. After the age of six, the brain has greater control over impulses. Thanks to this improved emotional control and focus on studying, many parents overlook their children's internal emotional struggles. For understandable reasons, they breathe a sigh of relief and focus on getting their busy lives together. Unfortunately, instead of viewing deviant behavior as a cry for help, most parents discipline their children using consequences and other punishments. They miss the opportunity to help their children address the fears and unmet needs that drive (bad) behavior and build emotional intelligence.

For attentive parents, the elementary years—the time when children are still in close contact with their parents—are an ideal opportunity to help their children master the world of emotions. Our lucky child with empathetic parents benefits not only from their warm acceptance of their feelings but also from their engaged listening, which helps them develop a greater understanding of their own emotions and needs, and those of others. These parents understand that a child who misbehaves is expressing a need for help in dealing with their emotions, and they view misbehavior as an opportunity for growth. Because these parents can manage their own anxiety, they are also able to help their children solve problems by listening, reflecting, and brainstorming new alternatives. By the time our emotionally intelligent child reaches age nine, he's likely years ahead of his peers in his ability to manage his emotions—and therefore his behavior.