“My daughter has a really hard time dealing with transitions, including waking up in the morning. She would wake up screaming in anger. I started laying with her and holding her for five minutes after waking up—and it turned her morning routine upside down! Now she loves her closeness time, and is ready to get up happy and cooperative after the five minutes are up.” —Kim, mom of a 5-year-old

If you’re having a hard time getting your child to leave the house on time, here’s a trick. Reframe your morning routine. What if your primary job was to connect emotionally? That way, your child will truly have a “full cup.” Not only will they be more willing to cooperate with you, they’ll be better able to rise to the developmental challenges of their age. How?

* Send everyone to bed as early as possible. If you have to wake your kids up in the morning, they’re not getting enough sleep. Every hour they miss out on needed sleep sets them back a year in brain function, meaning they act like they’re a year younger.

* Go to bed earlier. I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if you have to use an alarm clock, you’re not getting enough sleep either. Your child is counting on you to start the day with a “full glass.” It’s impossible to be patient when you’re exhausted.

* Make extra time. Wake up earlier than your children so that you’re emotionally balanced before interacting with them. Plan to always arrive at work fifteen minutes early. You won’t make it half the time, but you won’t lose your temper with your kids either, because you’re not actually late. The other half of the time, you’ll have a more relaxed start to your workday, making you more effective at work.

* Prepare the night before. Pack your backpacks and briefcases, make lunches, lay out your clothes, get the coffee pot ready, and plan breakfast. Involve your kids the night before, too, to pick out their outfits and find that lost toy car.

* Make sure to take five minutes to relax with each child and cuddle them when they wake up. I know it sounds impossible. But if everything else is already set up, you can relax for ten minutes. These bonding moments with your child can change your morning.

* Use bonding habits to ease transitions. Children struggle with transitions, and mornings are full of transitions. So if getting her out of bed is hard, end your morning cuddle by holding her hand as you go downstairs together. Make it a meaningful bonding time for your child, where you each share something she’s grateful for or something you’re looking forward to today. (Of course, yours will be related to your child.)

* Know that children need your help with routines. Encourage your child by taking pictures of him doing his morning chores and by making a schedule with him so you can check off his schedule if he gets off track. But if your goal is to give your child a good start to the day, you need to help him feel happy and connected as he goes through the routine. That might mean bringing his clothes downstairs with you so he can get dressed next to you while you breastfeed his brother so you can celebrate: “I see you picked out your blue shirt again… You’re working so hard to decide which shoes go with which feet… You’re humming today while you get dressed.” Remember that getting dressed is your priority, not his. And your presence is what motivates him.

* Offer choices. No one likes to be led around. Does he want to brush his teeth while standing in the chair at the kitchen sink while you get his baby out of the high chair or does he want to wash her upstairs in the bathroom? Does she want to put on her shoes first or her jacket first? Give up control whenever you can.

* Reenact the situation. Grab a mommy doll and a baby doll sometime over the weekend. Let them get excited as they go through their morning routine. Let the baby struggle, cry, and meltdown. Let the mommy “lose it” (but don’t overdo it; make the mommy clumsy and incompetent). Your baby will be fascinated. Then hand the mommy doll to your baby and replay the scenario, with you as the baby. Make it funny so you both laugh and the tension goes away. Make sure to include scenarios where the baby goes to school in his pajamas, or the mommy goes to work in her pajamas, or the baby has to yell at the mommy to hurry up and get ready, or the mommy says, “Who cares about that meeting? Let’s tell the boss that the most important thing is to find your toy car!”). Give him in imagination what he can’t have in reality. You may discover a better way to do things along the way. And chances are, you’ll see more understanding and cooperation from your baby on Monday. * Prioritize relentlessly. If both parents work full-time and the kids are young, you’ll have to let go of most other expectations during the week. That’s the only way you can get to bed early and wake up feeling good in the morning. Your child relies on your good mood to regulate her moods. Don’t worry—those years won’t last forever. You’re laying a great foundation for her to take on more and more responsibility for her morning routine. Modern life puts pressure on kids and parents that can undermine our relationships. But we need that connection to smooth out life’s bumps. Our kids need it not just to be cooperative, but to be happy. Fortunately, when we make connection a priority, everything else becomes a little easier.