2:14:31 
2025-02-18 
35
Why is bedtime so hard for so many families? Because the needs of parents and children conflict. For parents, bedtime is the time when they can finally separate from their children and enjoy a little time to themselves. For children, bedtime is the time when they are forced to separate from their parents and lie in the dark alone. Children are exhausted and irritable, and parents are exhausted and drained. It’s no wonder that this is the most challenging time of all for most families.
But the stressful evenings of disconnection and the mornings of tears undermine your child’s sense of security, and ultimately make bedtime even harder. We all want the last thing our child feels before they drift off to sleep to be the safe warmth of our love, not angry threats.
It’s not easy to stay calm through all the bedtime experiences, but it is possible.
Here’s how:
* Create a schedule with photos of your child completing tasks each evening, and finishing them on time, so you can turn traffic cop into partner, and help your child happily move on with their routine.
* Divide parenting time equally between the children, so that each child gets the amount of contact they need.
* Do nothing else during the bedtime routine, so focus on getting it done instead of being distracted by phone calls and emails.
* Remember that bedtime is a time to rekindle all separation fears in children. Include a “separation” game like “hide and seek” or “goodbye” each evening to help your child work off some of their anxiety with laughter. But remember that children also need a chance to calm down physically, so there’s no need for rough and tumble play in the hour before bed.
* Ban screens, which reduce the sleep hormone melatonin, for at least an hour before bedtime.
* Give each child ten minutes of quality, intimate time after lights out to lie down, cuddle, and check in.
* Do your best to stay calm. Losing your temper at bedtime will only make separation anxiety worse and make things more difficult.
* If your baby has trouble falling asleep without being held, that’s perfectly normal. Some babies learn this skill on their own. Others need help learning it.
* Go to bed early enough so that you’re not exhausted the next evening at bedtime.
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