We must take into account the feelings of others when criticizing them, even if they issue something incorrect or wrong. Gentleness in advice is the basis of building a human being, not what some people imagine of the necessity of severity and harshness in guidance. If guidance and criticism is gentle it will carry through to the end, but if he is rude and harsh, others will be repulsed and will not accept changing their course or correcting their mistakes, and they may become angry.

Here are five successful methods for directing criticism to others without alienating them:

First: The method of “Be careful and listen, neighbor,” if you want to alert someone to something that has bothered you, or something that appears inappropriate, but a psychological or external obstacle prevents you.

  If the person is older than you, or his chest is tight in the face of guidance and criticism, then use the method of waving and pointing by saying (Be careful, listen, neighbour). Imams Al-Hassan and Al-Hussein (peace be upon them) alerted an old old man about his mistake in performing ablution in a smart way, so they made him a judge over their ablution in order. With the more correct of the two of them, they performed ablution, and both ablutions were correct. The sheikh realized his mistake and knew that they - may Allah’s peace be upon them - intended to alert him in a polite manner out of consideration for his age, so he corrected his ablution and thanked them for that.

Second: The method of “reproach your brother by being kind to him.” A factory manager entered his employees and found them smoking cigarettes in their room, while above their heads was a sign with the phrase “No Smoking.” This astute manager had no choice but to offer them several cigarettes and said: “I would appreciate it if “You smoked this cigarette outside.” So he alerted them to their violation of the work rules in a way that made them ashamed of him. Also, through his honoring them, his love was established in their hearts.

Third: The silent practical guidance method. The store owner noticed his workers gathered in one place, joking and laughing, and his attention was drawn to the fact that one of the customers was alone and waiting for someone to help him with the purchase. So he went to this customer and helped him to buy, then he carried the goods and placed them in front of the workers, and asked them to wrap it and prepare it for the customer, so they were ashamed and rushed to work. Many times, we can give practical criticism that affects others in a positive way without wasting harsh words of criticism that may leave a bad impact on people and provoke an adverse reaction.

Fourth: Guidance through suggestions: someone wrote a speech to open a private party, and before he delivered it, he showed it to his close friend, and his friend said to him, after contemplating a little, “Your wonderful speech is worthy of being published in the city newspaper!” The writer understood that what he wrote was not appropriate for the circumstances of the party, so he repeated it. Writing his speech with care and focus. We can call this method indirect motivation through moral support and directing useful suggestions without making others aware of the presence of negatives in their work or behavior.

Stay away from the word “but” when encouraging and praising: Some people resort to using praise as a prelude to criticism, thinking that they are being fair, and thus achieving a balance! In fact, the one who was encouraged will be disappointed and depressed in his morale, which will weaken his self-confidence. Also, credibility will be lost between the one who is praising and the one being praised. Compensating praise with criticism may be interpreted as resulting from hatred and envy. Do not follow your praise and encouragement with a single “but,” rather by wishing for more success or pray for goodness.